I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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