i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
worst night to have a conscience
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
