obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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