if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
