She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
