thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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