Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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