He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
