Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
