Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
