dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
