apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
