i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
as a side note pls kill me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
