I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
