smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
