You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
