"it" just moved
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
