apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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