i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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