i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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