Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
