you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
