I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
