oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
