she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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