Umm I'm too high to move.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
