he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
