Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
