I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
