I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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