i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
