the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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