Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
