you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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