this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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