Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
