Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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