Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
