Duck Duck Cougar?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
