i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
