Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nutella sex= disaster
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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