so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
