Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
