I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
