I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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