I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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