Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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