Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
