omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
