You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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